Monday, March 24, 2008

fallingwater


Hello! Back from a week in Lawrenceville, Georgia and surrounding environs, with a new big bug in my stomach! I have spent the day alternating between sipping Gatorade and emptying it quickly thereafter from my bowels! It's really amazing how quickly things can move through your body. I shat myself on a plane yesterday* - after assuming pavana-mukta-asana ("The Wind-Releasing Pose") to relieve a little high-altitude tension, then said, "Whoops!" and ran toward the bathroom like Dominic Monaghan on the first episode of Lost (which I incidentally watched on my spring break!) and barely made it without passing out (instant cold sweats, and my hearing was as if my ears were clogged with cotton balls!) but managed to fumble off my belt and the sweatshirt I had tied around my waist to disguise any unslightly spotting. I seriously felt like I was dying and thought it would be much easier just to collapse on the floor shitting myself and vomitting - someone on the plane would've been in charge of taking care of me, right? I didn't even bother to close or lock the bathroom door. Someone walked in on me as the waterworks started and said, "Oops, sorry!" but I didn't care because I was leaning against the wall of the bathroom very precariously and trying very hard not to slide off the toilet. It was like a gallon of spicy water that came out of me! And get this: at the exact same time, I threw up three times into the bathroom sink (the one that is conveniently at head level when you sit on the airplane toilet) the half pound of Hot Tamales and Popeye's fried chicken I had ingested the night before when watching the aforementioned first episode of Lost! I remember thinking "Very pink!" before hanging my head between my legs for the remainder of the time it took to get the leftover fluids out of both ends of my body.

I did have cantaloupe two days ago at a Sweet Tomatoes in Duluth, Georgia (which is in Gwinnett County, where many others have been sickened by cantaloupes!). The thing I suspect to be in my bowels is pictured above. Now, who should I sue?

* Lucky for me, my maxipad caught this drainage! Just how gross can one person be???

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