孝顺 (a.k.a. filial piety)

Just yesterday I was literally unable to tell my therapist* how warring parts of me craved but felt oppressed by my parents' approval because my throat was too choked up to express how craptastic it felt when my dad sat me down on a bunk bed in Zhong Li and suggested that I was a prostitute for performing music live in front of other people. "Somebody's daughter sings and dances in front of other people," Somebody said. Made me performing my sexless country music compositions sound like Mata Hari. Angry words, slammed doors, tears on my pillow - oh, you know the drill.

Then today I get this email that kind of illustrates my point. My mom congratulating my parents' tenants on a new baby:

Dear H____ & T__!! Congratulation new parents!! We are so happy to see your baby’s picture. He is a healthy and handsome boy. Also he is the 8th baby born in this house. The first one is our daughter. She graduated from Harvard University & NYU Law School, she is lawyer now. Your son will be a doctor too!!!Thanks so much for sharing your happiness with us. Best wishes for you and family. Regards!!!

On the one hand: they seem so proud of my accomplishments! Yay, I'm loved!

On the other hand, my identity as their daughter is described as "She graduated from Harvard University & NYU Law School, she is lawyer now."

Laugh, or cry, or both?!

*A new development in my adulthood! She's queer, andro, empathetic. I think she gets it! It feels therapeutic!