revenge

I am reading Obama's second book. What a mensch! It may be the case that he is not actually as temperate and empathetic as his book makes him seem, but what an attractive persona he has created. I am about fifty pages in right now. The stories I like so far are (1) young Barack learning that it was better to abide by his grandfather's nonsensical rules in order to make the man feel respected in his own home, rather than to use his gift for rhetoric to argue the old man into knots, (2) newly-elected Senator Obama not being able to take care of himself alone in his new bachelor apartment, and having to huddle against the wall when taking a shower on his first morning in DC because he forgot to buy a shower curtain and didn't want to flood the bathroom floor. So far the overriding message of the book is: YES WE CAN be nice to one another.

On the one hand, I feel very inspired to be nice to other people. It makes other people feel better, it makes you feel better. And sure, it is a utility calculation too, because e.g. drivers are less likely to mow you down in a rage if you wave thank you from your bicycle, customer service reps are more likely to help you if you speak softly and control your temper, strangers are less likely to disembowel you when you accidentally press the emergency button on the subway if you smiled nicely at them when you first boarded the train. Republican Representatives may even someday vote for your legislation if you personally serve them enough oatmeal cookies at enough Superbowl parties.

On the other hand, I am feeling not so nice right now. At the moment, I am having mean thoughts about a mean girl who once posted a mean comment on my blog, several years ago, after I had just broken her best friend's heart. The comment went beyond mean. It was cruel and invasive and it threatened violence. I was pretty sad about it at the time, but it happened three years ago and now I just feel weird and a little angry whenever I think about it. Just now, I entered "When I have the opportunity, I will destroy you" and "When your time comes, I will destroy you" and "I will rain ruin upon you" into Google, just to see whether others have had these same obsessive thoughts. And then I engaged in this little flight of fancy wherein I am some powerful person and the mean girl is in a vulnerable position - seeking employment, stranded at the side of a desert road, running for public office - and then I blow lightly on her face and she disintegrates like seeds lifting off a dandelion head.

"How I can be a better person?" is going to be my next Google entry.

This is my #665th post on Bananarchist. I should've saved this thought for #666.