as is

I spent the weekend irritating my Republican girlfriend by nearly starting an olive oil fire whilst charring gyoza in her studio apartment and nearly ruining her very sensitive computer by setting her homepage to porn. Things dear S said to me this weekend included, "The great thing about your body is that it seems able to accommodate lots of fat," and "Hey, where did all those wrinkles come from?" It was okay because she runs like Mr. Burns. We spent time with our witty and amusing friends, e.g. R, who noted that "Tears of a Clown" was the only R&B song to his knowledge referencing Pagliacci, and M, who flicked us through twenty pictures on her phone of people photographed while shaking their heads violently, we drank nigori and ate lemon wafers to prevent S from becoming a raging green hunger monster, we held hands and looked at things, we argued whether the brain was a pie and whether "hipster"described a set of actual aesthetic preferences or mere vapidity, but mostly we just spent time with each other, in her apartment, sitting across the table from each other or lying in a heap. What a time, my S. At 4:30 this morning, I left in a livery cab. S's silhouette waved goodbye in the window. The cab driver told me that it was only "sicks, drunks, or men getting kicked out of their apartments by their girlfriends holding duffel bags wanting to be taken to mommy" calling cabs on the weeknight graveyard shift; I feigned interest. On the airplane, I covered the scrota under my nighttime eyes with complimentary eye shades, and slept until San Francisco. Work was not awful, but I am daunted by the thought that in the area defined by a radius of a quarter million documents laid end-to-end one can find 55 In-and-Out Burger franchises, if one is based in Los Angeles. I was supposed to study for the New York bar tonight but instead I have been playing with anagrams and Googling ways to make Boo's life better. The question is: a leather or nylon collar? Leather? Or nylon? My goal in writing this blog post was to reference testicles in four different ways. I WIN! This post is a testesment to my genius.