dream

2/11/06

I'm on Stern's futon, holding a paperback fantasy novel. There is a lengthy introduction. The spine is broken and the book is falling to pieces. I call Amy Star to ask her not to erase words from the dictionary. I'm talking to her from the heart but when I look down at the book I notice that words I'm saying are exactly the words in the introduction. I say, "Even if I can't use the word 'dragon,' the dragon is still there." Laura comes into the living room - where did she come from? She's not supposed to be here. I'm so happy she's here. She puts her arm around my shoulders and we're lying on the futon together.

I'm dying. My waking life is not my dream life. I am carving myself into my constituent muscle groups but I can't draw blood. Why is this happening?