bowling alley

Dearest longpoo@colon.com, my most unflaggingly scatological of fans, as promised, here is the link to photos of the world's longest poo. Her name is Myranda Didovic and apparently she has something of a monopoly on the "megadump" industry. Behold, and be inspired.

In unrelated news, I have been absent from Bananarchist because second semester started and I got better things to do, like spend all 100 minutes of Admin researching flights to Puerto Rico (though that spring break plan has been nixed in favor of Katrina-related volunteering in New Orleans), or all 110 minutes of Torts reading for the next Admin class, during which I will not pay attention because I will be researching flights to New Orleans.

Just spent the weekend in New Haven (college pals, new baby, "Chicken" "chimichangas") and inside the Audre Lorde Project's conference room (volunteer organizations, community building, post-its, restructuring, nearly uncontrollable desire to hurl self out of window to escape procedural inefficiencies, newborn desire to commit time to queer Asian women and trans folks in New York). Now I am just starting Con Law. OOPS!

My parents just called to give me the news. Some of it is appalling, and I won't post that here. But some of it was just amusing, including

(1) My dad bought a "karaoke" keyboard at Best Buy (which he consequently returned and bought for cheaper! MUCH CHEAPER! musiciansfriend.com is so CHEAP! online) which is teaching him to play classical songs. Keys to be depressed light up in red and the computer corrects him when strikes the wrong keys. "But I have a musical question," my dad says, "What do you do with your thumb?" I reply, "Your fingers are a tunnel and your thumb is the car." Dad: "I am learning that song...'Love Will Go'? From Titanic?" Me: "'My Heart Will Go On'?" We have this conversation apparently while he is taking a bath in the tub.

(2) Mom: "We always warn you about scarves but..." Me: "We're not having the conversation about how scarves behead people anymore!" Mom: "But this just happened in Taiwan, a woman wearing a scarf was working at an auto factory and it got caught in a machine and she was beheaded!" Dad: "Mandy, [in English] DON'T EVER WEAR THINGS THAT ARE TOO TIGHT ON YOUR BODY. [Chinese] Her scarf was made of nylon." Me: "I don't believe you." Dad: "It happened in three seconds, there was blood everywhere." Me: "You should design a safety scarf, you would make millions." Dad: "Good idea! Will it tear away? The fabric must tear away." Me: "But people could just wear neck gaiters." Dad: "Gaiters?" Me: "[Broken Chinese] you wear it close to your neck." Dad: "Your head could still be torn off."

Chez Hu!