I feel sexiest when I'm experiencing excruciating, uterus-ballooning cramps and can do nothing except double over on the toilet clutching my knees, expelling what feels like chunky bloody viscera into the bowl, expelling all manner of ancillary body fluids and solids and sounds just for yuks too, trying not to groan or cry so as not to panic the neatly-pressed law students sitting in adjacent stalls who never seem to shit, only to politely tinkle, trying not let the tail of my shirt touch down into the bowl, trying not to feel guilty while minutes pass and no reading is done, feeling guilty anyway, then feeling guilty enough to get out my crim law text book and my four-color pen and proceed to read, highlight, and scribe marginalia while undergoing all the aformentioned expelling, moaning, and noise-making.
That's HOT. That makes me feel SEXY. Here I am, sexily off the sexy toilet, still doubled over, not shitting, not bleeding, not reading, just blogging. Whaddya say, ladies? No need to fight, there's enough of me for all y'all. (917) 536-SEXY, gimme a jingle.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
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5 comments:
mandy, posts like this are the reason i continue to read your blog. (how can i explain the fact that i love this but was grossed out by the poo commenters?)
ao
ao, my only explanation is that you're a sick fuck. shouldn't you be spanking undergrads or something, instead of reading about shitting/pissing/bleeding all at once? sheesh. ps. let's go for a jog. it's been too long, too long.
mandy, one other thing. i have just discovered my favorite thing about the bathrooms in the library of your campus: the button and sign in the stall that says "in case of emergency, press button." what exactly constitutes an emergency in the bathroom? were you remiss in not pressing when you might have been experiencing one? something to think about.
oh, sorry, that was me. as if anyone else would post this kind of stuff.
ao
i like to call the chunks of funk i drop in the toliet during my period "bloody babies." it happens every month for me and i wonder every time "how can i lose this much blood and still survive?" it seems impossible but then it happens again 28-35 days later.
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