cello scrotum

I haven't written a while! Sorry. The most exciting reportable thing that happened to me today is that my co-worker noticed that the Wikipedia entry for the Northern District of Illinois listed an anime character among the district court judges. Also, I got a new pair of "Bordeaux"-colored glasses that makes the world look unpleasantly hazy when viewed through any part of the lens except the dead center. There's a lot I'd like to say about what is preoccupying me - the Bavarian, of course - but since he is vehemently opposed to all forms of surveillance and traceability, I'd feel bad writing anything more in my blog. (Not that he'd ever know, since he doesn't have Internet at home and only steals fifteen minutes online here and there at work, and he still types with two fingers in hunt-and-peck style, and has no MP3s, and will never "poke" me on Facebook, and doesn't wear fast-drying plastic clothes when hiking or comprehend what a water bladder is, and uses one light fluorescent bulb at a time in his apartment, and has VHS tapes stacked up on his floor, and falls asleep with powdered sugar-coated lozenges in his mouth...among other primitive, technophobic habits, which would mos def never include reading my shiny, 21st century blog.)

There is one thing I will say, though, about how dissatisfying it is to be interested in a non-native English speaker. Even though Bavarian Boyfriend's English vocabulary is startlingly good (e.g. referring to a rained out camera as having been "capsized," or using words like "melancholy," "whereas," and "precondition" deftly), there's a big difference between saying "It is very hot in this old bus!" and "IT IS HOT AS BALLS IN THIS RUN-DOWN SHITWAGON." There is a difference between getting in a friend's car (on the way to buy single-ply toilet paper in 24-roll packs at Target) and saying, "I'm so excited for our errand!" versus screaming, "SPRING BREAK!!" and throwing up devil horns. Die difference ist Nacht und Tag. (Also that is something unpleasant about German, the capitalized nouns and the absence of possessive apostrophes. Compare "donkey's balls" and "Donkeys Balls" e.g.)

Okay that is all I have to say.