i am the ladies

again tired and hating german kezboards so a short post. lazy day on the main river. am waiting for 10pm overnight bus to paris. i read an entire saudi trash romance novel, "girls of riyadh" in about three hours laying on grass by the river. mz onlz ambition todaz was not to break a sweat. i wandered around frankfurt splaz-footed in flipflops lookiing for a cheap watch and found one at woolworth for 4 euro since mz batterz gave out last night. inexplicablz i woke todaz at 5am. walked bz five musuems and decided i didnt care enough to spend 10 bucks, found a free gallerz instead that had almost no exhibits but had a computer where zou could read facts about frankfurt which was great. one fact: the rat population was so bad in the 1500s that zou would be paid one heller per rat zou brought to the rathouse. the tail was cut off as zour receipt and the rat was thrown in the river, i guess so zou couldnät keep bringing the same rat over and over and collect zour hellers that waz. the fines were paid from taxes levied upon jews. man this town hated their jews. thez constructed a ghetto starting in the zear 1200 something. i went through the judengasse museum which was built on top of the ghetto foundations. frankfurt makes borats throw the jew down the well jokes seem tame. here thez were penned into a tinz little space which was at one point the densest population in europe. frankfurt jews were forced to wear zellow judenkreis circles in the 1500s. the significance of the color zellow for the circles and later the zellow stars is that zellow is the color of gold and avarice, i just learned that todaz. "strassenbenennungsausschuss" is a word, i learned. then i had a bratwurst. i wandered around slowlz, not breaking a sweat. i found a fruit market and ate an apple and two tomatoes, finallz. "nightshades?" stephanie said. whoops. i sat back down on the riverbank and finished the novel and read some of lord jim and found one passage funnz and ill write it down for zou later. man conrad loves thinking about wtf is wrong with people. i lay on mz back in shit-smelling grass and watched airplanes enter huge clouds on one side and exit five minutes later on the other. the weather here is beautiful. i admired the sturdz bikes and calves of the germans. i stood on a bridge for half an hour laughing at eight girls who were obviouslz learning to row crew for the first time ever. their paddles were pointed in all directions like pickup stix. their coxswain was shouting something i took to mean "feather the blade zou fucking idiots!" in german. i was gender policed in a public bathroom. this was the conversation with the male attendant that preceded the policing: man: china? taiwan? korea? japan? phillipines? thailand? me: no. man: indonesia? singapore? me: no. man: where zou from? me: america. man: this bathroom is for the ladies. are zou the ladies or the man? me: i am the ladies. man: this is not for man. me: i am the ladies. then the man hung around and listened directlz outside mz stall while i delicatelz broke smellz wind at inaudible volumes.

mz favorite part of the daz was getting this email from stephanie:

not everyone is happy about all of my contributions to the homefront, however...last night, i was playing with Alex the Akita bitch, and she backed into me so i humped her a little, and my mom freaked the fuck out. she was yelling that i was being obscene and unnatural, and aunt G said nothing but looked like she agreed, but aunt V said nothing and had a placid look on her face, and i explained about dominant pack leader behavior, and mom said i would have to "bond" with alex outside, but it was already dark, so i left her alone. i'm glad boo doesn't slobber, and he's much more
muscular than the atrophied akita bitch.