renewed desire

to buy land in the Northeast Kingdom and plant rhubarb and swim during the summer and snowshoe and write during the winter and avoid people all year round. Why do I stay attached to institutions of higher learning? Which is to say, alienation continues. Beers, bars, sparkling water, the professoriat, lectures, mahogany veneer, neat shoes, clothes you're afraid to dirty, facile people slipping into facile conversations, invisible servers, carefully enunciated career ambitions, presumptively interesting people poured into boring bottles and then decanted into sweaters and cocktail glasses. I thought I left this behind? Barf. I'm not good at unction. I'm pretty good at surly, cause I practice at it. I wish I were thirty, in Kanyakumari, on acid, or among nothing but a half dozen border collie mutts and my bean and a stack of unread Iowa Reviews and a nice acoustic guitar with a low action and soft strings.

I'm just being bitchy because the beer I had tonight gave me a massive headache, which Lo was kind enough to alleviate with a little lavender. I am also being bitchy because New Zealand's absence of negligence-based tort liability has caused me to realize that I've chosen the wrong profession. I got my Civ Pro grade back - it's my blood type. It's better than the others, but still not good enough. I need more stories. I think I will take to reading screenplays in class.

Meanwhile - SCALITO?!